We are compromised and some of us will become co-dependant, through no fault of our own. Learning how to ask for help can be a challenge but it is up to us to figure out how to do it to the best of our ability. Learn to communicate and be specific in your ask. take a minute to think about your needs and ask for what you want. Practising self-care and using positive self talk will be the driver to getting what you truly need. Knowing how to ask, when to ask and doing it before you have a meltdown or become resentful is the key.
What to ask for when you are co-dependant
Know that it is OK to ask; you are not a burden. Be vocal, because nobody is a mind reader. We are compromised. It is a sobering fact and one that many of us don’t like to admit but it is a fact. There will be some days that we will need to have stuff done for us. Our days are unpredictable and a day never looks like what we expect it to look like. I cannot predict from one day to the next how I will feel or what I will be able to accomplish.
When to ask for what you need
When I need more sleep than you can possibly imagine. In spite of that, I wake earlier that I should because sleeping later means I am lazy and useless. Its when I need a glass of water but hesitate to ask because I know that I should be able to get it myself. When I cannot cook a meal and if you weren’t there I would not have eaten today. When I resent you for your ability to do all the things that I can not. On those days when my mind goes like wildfire to get something accomplished but my body cannot keep up.
Where to ask for help when you are co-dependant
Sometimes it is important to allow doctors, nurses or social workers to educate caregivers. Make you caregiver a part of your doctors appointment and have them work as a team for your well being. Inviting them to appointments and groups will keep them involved in the situations that affect you everyday.
How to ask for help when you are co-dependant
Caregivers need to be educated on your needs. Allow them that luxury. If you don’t tell them the extent of your symptoms than how can they know how much support you need.
Communicate in a way that honours all – Use I feel ______________ , I need ____________, I want____________.
Be specific by saying,
“Right now I feel ________________ and I need ________________ and i want ____________.
Let caregivers collaborate with you so they can learn from you. Leave room open for discussion. This is not a one way conversation and putting two heads together may come up with a better solution. NEVER, let a caregiver tell you what you need, rather learn to tell them what you need.
Turn into yourself by practising self-care and encourage your caregiver to practise along with you. This is how we manage to have something left over for others and your caregivers will have something left over for you. Check in with yourself through #meditation and #mindfulness. Ask for what you need before becoming upset and having a meltdown. Lean the difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Use positive self talk when talking to yourself. Keep a daily journal to keep yourself accountable. Join a support group and invite your caregivers to participate with you.
We must recognize abuse for what it is. Abuse is not always physical or sexual. Sometimes abuse is emotional. Just because things have always been that way doesn’t mean they need to continue that way. Refuse to play victim and refuse to quit. You are a survivor of this life and when a situation needs to be changed, change it. Never stay in an abusive situation when your needs are not being met.
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